


Do I Wanna Know?

by heavenlygold



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, birthday gift for my wonderful gf!!!!!, ft. remus' moonsickness, set during the first war, tagged teen for language, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 07:52:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15990887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenlygold/pseuds/heavenlygold
Summary: "I assume that wasn't a platonic form of affection,"In which Sirius is helplessly smitten and Remus is somewhat clueless.





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scarheadedferret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarheadedferret/gifts).



> The title of this is inspired by the Artic Monkey's song that I was listening to on loop while writing this.

 (a link to listen to the song: [here](https://open.spotify.com/track/5FVd6KXrgO9B3JPmC8OPst?si=B1d15G8nTuehjqpQhigTwg) )

 

“I swear what I’m doing is fine, I don’t need help,” Remus said, his voice filled with annoyance as he curled his hands into fists. His mouth twisted into a scowl. “Stop pacing around like a fucking loony,”

 “Please,” Sirius murmured biting his tongue to stop himself from saying something stupid, “I hate seeing you get hurt, especially during a full moon,”

 “I’m your-”  Remus hesitated as the handcuffs rattled against the radiator,  “Friend,” He added after a moment’s hesitation - as if he meant to say something else.

 Sirius felt his heart jump in his chest, it was pathetic, Remus knew exactly how Sirius felt, the sort of love pulls you in so deep there’s no escaping, forever stuck in a loop of bitterness and pining. Neither of then addressed it, both of them too cowardly to face the music, perhaps destined to skirt around each other and never do anything about the weird sexual tension that seemed to constantly hover between them. 

 Sirius had realised his feelings for Remus a couple of years ago, at the beginning of his fourth year in Hogwarts. Amidst the endless whirlwind of studying and pranks there was always this nagging feeling in Sirius that he did, in fact like Remus. He had told James first, panicked and extremely confused. James took the news surprisingly well, unlike Peter who just wrinkled his nose and said “But you don’t like me - right?” 

 “Please get help,” Sirius asked again, looking down at Remus’s now slumped figure, sitting on the ground. “For me,”

 “Fuck. Off.” Remus said through gritted teeth, his voice sounding tired, “I’m not going to Snivellus for help, go to bed,”

 "And what?” Sirius wanted the tight angry feeling in his chest to go away, he wanted to lash out and smash any creepy Black family heirloom in arm’s reach. Many priceless heirlooms had been the subject to Sirius’s wrath over the years, much to Kreacher’s dismay. “Cry myself to sleep while you tear yourself to pieces?”

 Remus scrunched up his face, his mouth  no longer scowling. “I love you, Sirius, you’re my best friend, and even though we’re stuck here in your childhood home while our friends are getting killed by Voldemort just because I’m broken and dangerous - you make everything seem a little bit better, but for the love of God just leave me alone!”

 Sirius could feel the heat crowding his face as he stared in dismay at Remus.Remus casually throwing around the word ‘love’ was a common thing yet every time he said it, the tiny glimmer of hope that Remus felt the same way still burned inside Sirius as if someone had cast a Lumos spell inside him.

 “I love you too,”  Sirius coughed out, forcing himself to look into Remus’s eyes - the green of his eyes barely visible compared to the golden colour that surrounded his pupils. “But you better get help,” 

 “Can you please leave now?,” Remus said, this time without any malice in his voice. Sirius wanted to kiss him, not an unusual thought, but for some reason he leant down and before he realised what he was doing, he kissed the hinge of Remus’ jaw. 

 Remus froze before letting out a soft throaty noise. The noise shocked them both and Sirius stumbled back, tripping over a cardboard box in his hasty attempt to regain his composure. 

 “I assume that wasn’t a platonic form of affection,” Remus said, somewhat smugly. 

 “Jesus,” Sirius groaned as he dug his fingernails into the palm of his hands, “I should not have done that,” 

 Remus shifted slightly, his hands pale against the navy blue of the radiator and the golden handcuffs.The last time they used silver handcuffs they had burned Remus’ hands so badly they bled for days afterwards. “Why?” 

 “Because,” Sirius began, multiple excuses instantaneously forming in his head, ode to the times in Hogwarts when he had to worm his way out of detention. “I didn’t - I don’t think you feel the same way,” 

 Remus opened his mouth as if to speak but instead of words there was a low growl. Remus was transforming at possibly the worst time, which was probably expected seeing as Sirius did decide to have a heart to heart with him minutes before the full moon reached full height.

 “I swear, I’m fucking cursed,” Sirius said under his breath before slowly backing away, watching as Remus rolled his shoulder slowly, his transformation ready to rip through him like wildfire. 

 Sirius climbed up the wooden stairs, turning around to look at the man that he was completely and utterly in love with before shutting the basement door and locking it.

 “Definitely and absolutely cursed,”

 

 


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was not betaed so all mistakes are mine!!

 “Ouch, fucking hell - that hurts,” Remus said, his voice raspy and annoyingly sexy.

 “Shut up, don’t be a little bitch about it,” Sirius retorted as he wrapped a bandage around Remus’s arm. “You were the one who refused to get help,” 

 “What do you expect me to do? Just pop over to Mungo’s for a little visit?” Remus grumbled as he twirled a lock of Sirius’s hair around his finger. “I’m sure they’d welcome me with open arms,” 

 Sirius sighed as he put his hand down on the bathroom floor to slowly sit himself down, his back aching from sleeping on the floor and letting Remus sleep on his bed. Sharing beds was something that was strictly off limits even though they had often slept together in Hogwarts, drunk on Firewhiskey. Sirius was afraid - afraid that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from kissing Remus.

 Remus was sitting in the bath, fully clothed and still dry, he leant back and closed his eyes. “I feel like having a cuppa but this bath is awfully comfortable,” 

 The bathroom was tiny, the bath took up most of the space and a small little sink stood in the corner. The loo was in another room, “Les Toilettes” as it was referred to only by Sirius’s mother. The tiles the same jade colour and the bath a jet black colour that made Remus look so pale and fragile against the black porcelain - it made Sirius’s heart ache painfully in his chest.

 “Merlin and Morgana - you have a fucking wand,” Sirius said, staring at Remus’s freckled hand that hung out of the bath. 

_ Hold his hand, do it - he won’t mind.  _

 “Well tell me a spell that will make a pot of tea appear,” Remus replied pulling himself out of the bath, snapping Sirius out of his daydreams. 

 “Do you not remember how to Transfigure?” Sirius retorted, “I thought you were supposed to be the swotty one?”

 “That’s true,” Remus said, chewing at his nails. “But I’m sure you could do with a bit of practice,”

 “Sod off,” Sirius muttered, “It’s not my fault I’m shite at magic,” 

 Sirius wasn't ashamed of his lack of talent, perhaps the gobshite about purebloods having magic in their veins was all bullshit made up to make people like Sirius feel guilty. The endless abuse he got from being the weak branch of the family tree was a constant thought in the back of his head.

 Remus raised his eyebrows at the remark but didn’t say anything further. He just stuck his hand out of the bath as if waiting for a handshake.

 “Hold my hand,” Remus said firmly, sticking his pale hand out of the bath. Waving it up and down as if shaking hands with an invisible person. 

 “I assume that was a demand and not a question,” Sirius said, it was his turn to be smug. Remus’s cheeks turn an admirable shade of pink against his freckles. 

 “What if it was?” Remus demanded, sticking his chin in the air. “Are you too much of a chicken to hold my hand?”

 “What sort of fucking challenge is that?” Sirius sniggered before lacing his fingers with Remus’. 

 “You have such thin wrists,” Sirius remarked, holding up their hands to inspect Remus’ scarred fingers up close.

 “One would say you might have a hand kink,” Remus grinned as Sirius rolled his eyes. 

 “Sod off,” Sirius retorted, using his free hand to flick Remus’ arm. 

 “Ouch, you bastard,” Remus said, “That’s my sore arm,” 

 “Sorry,” Sirius replied as he rubbed his thumb on the back of Remus’ hand. Remus shifted awkwardly and cleared his throat.

 Remus suddenly picked up his wand with his free hand, looking nervous. “Accio Firewhiskey,” He stammered.

 “Why’d you need the Firewhiskey for?” Sirius asked lazily as he rubbed circles on Remus’ forearm.

 Remus just gave him a withering glare as he opened the bottle and gulped three fingers worth of alcohol. He slammed the bottle down on the rim of the tub, looking less scared. “I need the Firewhiskey as an excuse for what I’m about to do,” 

 “What the fuck are you goin-” Sirius started before Remus grabbed his jaw to pull him into a kiss. 

 Remus leant back to look into Sirius’s eyes. “I’m sorry,”

 “Don’t be,” Sirius replied for pulling Remus in for another kiss, not matter how painful it was to hover awkwardly on the side of the bath and kiss Remus. 

 Sirius was sure he was dreaming, shit like that never happened to him, he was destined to die alone yet Remus was there pushing his tongue in Sirius’s mouth and tugging his hair. It was fucking heaven - Remus tasted like cinnamon and alcohol, his lips soft and sweet. 

 “Happy Birthday?” Sirius mumbled as he kissed Remus’ jaw, this time without any hesitation.

 “It’s not my birthday you twat,” Remus replied, his voice somewhat shaky. “Just shut up and kiss me,” 

 There was hope for Remus and Sirius, a hope that their future would be bright and happy. A small tiny glimmer hope that things would get better.

_fin._   



End file.
